I Am One Who Is Grateful

I Am One Who Is Grateful

This image was part of a larger illustration of an article in Experience Life magazine by Courtney Helgoe. The part pasted to my card illustrates the reason I think gratitude is important to me. When I am aware of what I am grateful for in my life, rather than focusing on what appears to make my life less than perfect, this keeps me open to receiving opportunities and available to witness amazing occurrences in everyday life.

In addition to this lovely illustration I also added a related pink color to the right and left sides of my card with Derwent Inktense Watercolor Pencils and doodles with Gelly Roll pens.

I Am One Who is Willing to Receive

I Am One Who is in Communion With Higher Power

I Am One Who is Willing to Receive Abundance in All Areas of My Life

I Am One Who Experiences Fullness

I Am One Who is Complete

I Am One Who is Grateful for Life

I Am One Who is Willing to Receive a Rain of Daisies

I Am One Who Shares My Love

I Am One Who is Willing to Receive Love

I Am One Who is Loved

SoulCollage® Empty Nest

I Am One Who Mourns the Empty Nest

I've been doing some prompts with my art journaling group related to Croning, or growing older and embracing power and wisdom, as well as accepting the losses and challenges related to aging. We've been looking at the 13 Characteristics of a Juicy Crone in Jean Shinoda Bolen's book Crones Don't Whine.

One thing that has come up for me relates to the bout of depression I've been going through. I finally realized that although I am now retired (but will always work with SoulCollage®, Creativity and Art Therapy) and working on making friends with old age, I am still the mother who is watching her son move from young adulthood to adulthood. I finally saw that part of me is mourning the impending reality of my empty nest.

I seriously had the illusion that since my life has always been full of learning and exploring and creativity that I would not experience the "Empty Nest Syndrome" I thought reserved for suburban housewives whose lives have always been structured around their children. I came late to motherhood, birthing my son when I was 45. Now he is 18 and I am 64, and, like everyone always said, the time flew.

I am trying to plan for my future life as an single elder woman while helping him flex his wings and learn to fly. Not smooth for us, not like boarding a plane and short hours later arriving at a new destination. Of course life drives us on, whether we are ready for changes or not. Many potholes on this road have been jarring, nothing is simple. I've tried to be mother, father and friend to my child. Of course it is his job now to hate me, tolerate me and love me in unpredictable doses. Of course he demands independence and freedom but struggles mightily with paying attention to getting necessary things done, and turning his attention to life's requirements. And WHY hasn't he yet gotten his driver's license? I know he is equal parts (some days) wanting to grow up and wanting to remain a child. 

The card pictures my empty nest with my well loved son smiling and close by on the left (past). The toy car represents my exhaustion with constant driving, my love for toys and my desire for him to drive himself, both in his life and in his (own) car. The nest is empty but contains feathers (wishes, dreams, memories, blessings) and a Crow on the right (future) is bringing a shiny orange orb to the nest. Hmm, perhaps I haven't lost all my marbles yet, lol.

I Am One Who Mourns the Empty Nest

I Am One Who Drives My Son Everywhere,All the Time

I Am One Who is Ready to Begin My Solitary Life

I Am One Who Wishes My Son to Make His Way Into the World

I An One Who Wishes My Son to Find His True Vocation and His Life's Companion

I Am One Who is Lonely

I Am One Who Fears the Financial and Physical Challenges of Old Age

I Am One Who Has a Nest Feathered with Treasured Memories, Creative Projects and Friends

I Am One Who Misses the Innocent Toys of Childhood

I Am One Who Knows the Future Brings Treasures and Joy

I Am One Who Honors the Life-Death-Life Cycle

I Am One Who Celebrates My Sister Crones and Our Place in Life

I Am One Who Is Grateful for What the Crow Brings.

SoulCollage: The End of the World (record of process)

Mankind has, in its hands, the power to create or prevent nuclear disaster.

Terrorism, biological disaster, climate change, government surveillance.

Dire predictions by religious fringe groups. Fear of the unknown.

I tend to be a thoughtful but positive person in my day to day life. But I have taught a collage class,

at two different tech schools, called "Technology and Society" for a few years. This course is a 

critical thinking class that asks students to analyze the positive and negative effects of technology, 

since man's first use of tools, on society and the world.  So we have been looking into the news

and marveling at scientific breakthroughs in nano-tech, bio-tech and technology in general. We've

also looked at global and national issues such as global warming, terrorism, problems with disease

and food production.  I think this is where this card came from.  I don't know how many other 

SoulCollage practitioners have a Apocalypse card but now there is one in my deck.  Of course

the classes I have been teaching are not the only reason that this card appeared.

I grew up during the Cold War when the threat of global nuclear annihilation was in the back of 

every one's minds, I think. The Doomsday Clock  was first launched in 1947 by the editors of the

Bulletin of Atomic Scientists. It is currently (as of 2014) at 5 minutes to midnight. The first version

of the card, with the atomic mushroom and human hand holding a stopwatch, relates to my 

"end of the world" fears, both conscious and unconscious, and anxiety about when the world will end.I think that the fear of a nuclear bomb starting the last world war is less of a fear for me than it was when I was young.

The second version of the card includes the shadow of terrorism and also the threat of increasing government intrusion into our day to day lives, related to all kinds of surveillance. In addition this card refers to threats related to climate change (the ice imagery). Other areas of low grade anxiety for me are the many predictions of the coming apocalypse (the stained-glass image of death). Although I do not subscribe to religious fanaticism it is hard not to miss the dire predictions from these groups. Last on this second version of the card is the image of bacteria. Threat of bio-terrorism and the evolution of super-strains of diseases, once in control, as well as new diseases, seems to be the way "life as we know it" might end, rather than fire or disappearing ice.

The final version of this card includes the image of an meteor striking the earth. It represents, for me, the fact that world is far more unknown or uncharted than was thought in the 1950, a time when it seemed that the Utopian "modern world", where science solved all human problems and could manage and control every aspect of life, was right around the corner. At that time science was given a blank check to do its magic and create that wondrous world. I think that most now realize that science is a powerful tool but one that must be welded wisely. And that it is everyone's responsibility to continue to strive for a healthy equatable world. 

    

Soul Collage: This Woman's Issues

Mind Map of I Am the One Who Defines Myself Despite Convention

I Am the One Who Defines Myself Despite Convention

This card initially surprised me.  I thought I was going to make a card to celebrate the solstice during the 

SoulCollage group on December 21st but this composition emerged from my unconscious/conscious

instead.  It started with a poetry magazine image which was a collage comprised of fragments of images of

women from glamour magazines.  The poem was about feeling fragmented.  I then found the ancient stone

steps/wall which I cut apart and rearranged, as I did with the glamour images.  Somehow the dark

silhouette of a mosque seemed to fit into the foreground of this card.  

I just noticed that the religious building is in the foreground, the ancient bricks of a wall or steps are in the
mid ground, and the images of the women are in the background.  This arrangement is a metaphor all in itself.
I must acknowledge that I arranged things in this order--and so I see how my mind places what is closest,
a step away, and farther away.  Is this my unconscious understanding of what is important?
Perhaps it is the order of what has been important in shaping my ideas of how I am valued as a woman.
And how I value myself.

At first I reported to the group that this card was another one of a series of "enigma" cards for me.  Images
seem to belong together but my conscious self has no idea what it "means".  I just created a mind-map to try
to unlock my associations.  I really recommend using this form of free writing to gather your associations.

I am now remembering what I told the women at that meeting: that the Solstice represents the return of hope

and light.  With the light we drive away the darkness and are also able to illuminate what is in the shadow.

In the shadow/unseen/unknown for me has been the unconscious judgments I hold related to my value as

a woman as I grow older.  I have reached that age where I perceive that men no longer see me or seek me...

I am invisible to them.  Or so it seems.  But what part of me is defining my own worth as the degree to

which I am beautiful/attractive/sexy or sought after as a sexual partner?

I do not want to become asexual.  I want to be recognized as an attractive woman despite my wrinkles and
rounder figure.  But I long ago rejected many of the accouterments of the beautiful women I see around me:
high heels, fashionable clothes, makeup, styled hair and  jewelry. Actually I think those things were thrown
out with my bra during my hippie years and the woman's liberation movement.  But apparently my association
between my value as a woman and person and my own physical attractiveness was not let go of.

I also continue to see images of glamour and sexual beauty in most ads and many news videos, including the
highly styled women who are delivering the news.  In addition is the news from other countries, as well as
conservative thinkers in our own country, who believe that the freedom gained for women in the last century in
the US is wrong. Women are still stoned or imprisoned in other countries for disagreeing with the religious
and/or political ideas that have been in place for centuries.  I have been grateful to be in this country and
feel, in general, as if I have the right to express myself as a human being, without regard to gender.

But this card is telling me that I need to shift MY idea of my value. That I need to stop comparing myself to
the supermodel or sexy female rocker of the moment.  That I need to lay to rest my need to be validated by
others, especially men, in terms of my outer beauty.

Just saw this wonderful quote from the 17th Karmapa

"Do not let anyone tell you how you must look or act just because you are a man or a woman.
You have boundless potential that can only be limited when you believe that your social identity
is really who you are. Who you are is not a perfectly measured object. There is tremendous elasticity
in who you can be. It is up to you to decide the shape you give yourself."
~ 17th Karmapa

I Am the One Who Defines Myself Despite Convention
I Am the One Who Defines Myself Without Reference to Social/Political/Religious Expectations
I Am the One Who Accepts and Nurtures My Aging Body
I Am the One Who Loves Myself and has Compassion for Myself
I Am the One Who is Worthy of Love
I Am the One Who Continues to Be of Value to the World
I Am the One Who Continues to Grow
I Am the One Who Becomes More Full of Light. 

SoulCollage: I Am the One Who Seeks Healing (a record of process)

I Am the One Who Sees the Mother's Creations
This is the way the card looked in its first version.  It is an image of a green forest seen through a goddess shaped cave entrance.  I wanted a triangular shaped image for her pubic area.  I was surprised when the autumn leaf began to look like a fire bird's head.  I had associations to the bright and conscious creatures that are brought to birth by nature.  It is thrilling to count myself among those creatures.  I also had the association to bringing to birth awareness and that which has vivid life through my art.  The head also has an association to the ancient ancestors of the bird as well...this head looks like the head of a dinosaur.  This card really speaks to me about the primitive process of life coming forth into the reality of earth.After sitting with it for a couple of days, though, I realized that it wasn't done.

I Am the One Who Glimpses the Great Mother

This version of the card was the next step.  I wanted to hide and soften the
wild bird head.  That red energy becomes the energy of the earth in spring.
The first flowers of spring, the Lily of the Valley thrives here.  The flowers
are nurtured by tears from the Bleeding Heart blossom as well as tears from
the eye at the power/self-esteem chakra center.  These tears also form pools
and streams at the bottom of the card.  I also added Cone Flower centers to
define the areas of the mother's breasts.  Sitting with this card I am disturbed
by that inhuman eye.  When looking at the card it is all I can see.  The eye
appears to be looking to the left, towards the past.  My associations are to
as yet unresolved self-esteem issues tied to the past, some of them the
disappointment of unfulfilled expectations, others related to injuries to self-
esteem experienced throughout my life.  I have found that making SoulCollage
cards has really helped my in the process of recovery of my person power.

In my email I receive a note from a website I subscribe to.  Carol Tuttle is offering
a Chakra Healing class and a free chakra assessment.  I take the assessment and
find that all my chakras are strong except my heart chakra and my power/
self-esteem center.  I realize that the card with the eye is like a chart of this chakra
assessment.  My association is that I am also finally getting insurance through
the state and can finally go to the doctor and address some of my concerns
about my aging body.  Need to get a mammogram and do something about
that too ample behind.  Hmm, what do you think the doctor will say
about the orange bird head in my public area?  Well, it is only a metaphor, right?

I Am the One Who Seeks Healing

This is the final version of the card. I have had a series of cards, lately,
that are quite enigmatic. Hard to tell when they are done (until that final feeling).
I've finished this card by adding a leafy upper and lower eyelid to that eye.
Still journaling about this one but has to do with nature as my mother and my own
body and its need for improved health. In the simple chakra test it said my chakras
are strong except for my heart and my self esteem/power center. That seems to be
what this card is about: the strange eye at my power chakra looking to the past,
my heart a "bleeding heart" blossom. Hope to do Anne Marie's upcoming class
"Using Soul Collage During Times of Illness". A number of readings have pointed
at the need to address my health. I am overweight and need to see the dentist
and dermatologist and the list goes on. I am thankful for my relative good health
but think it is time to take care of myself and focus on keeping the health I
have as well as improve my energy in the time I still have in this amazing world.

SoulCollage: Community Card, Frida Kahlo

Community Card: Frida

My friend, Sandra, bought me a greeting card with a photo of Frida when she was in Arizona, recently.

I had been meaning to make a Frida card, as one of my community cards, so joined the greeting card

collaged Frida with a part of Frida's painting "The Two Fridas".  You can see this painting on the
Frida Kahlo Foundation's website that includes all 101 of her paintings.

Frida was born on July 6th, 1907 but changed her recognized birthday to July 7th, 1910, to coincide

with the beginning of the Mexican Revolution (and "Modern Mexico").  Coincidentally my birthday

is July 7th, although later--three years before her death at age 47.  Many thanks for most of the facts
related to Frida's life which were gleaned from the Frida Kahlo Fans site. 

Frida is considered by many to be the most famous female painter to have ever lived.  She was the

wife of famous Mexican muralist Diego Rivera (she married him, divorced and married him again).

She is represented as one of my community cards because she is one of the painters who has influenced

me and given me courage to express myself honestly in my work and in my life.  Frida was an

outrageous person who experienced much emotional and physical pain in her life.  She suffered

physically throughout her adult life due to a tragic trolley car accident when she was 18.  She 

attributed much of her emotional suffering to her relationship with Diego.  Frida's paintings are

autobiographical, surrealist seeming and tremendously evocative.

Many women, and many women artists hold Frida as a great woman's hero for her courage to

live her life in a highly original manner.  She was avant garde, creating her own style of art,
fashion and personal expression.  Frida behaved in a manner that could be considered early
feminist by speaking directly and colorfully and behaving in a "modern" way.  In contrast she

adopted and adapted a traditional Mexican Native style of dress.  Frida made the cover of

Mexican Vogue 60 years after her death although she was interviewed in Vogue in 1937.

I Am the One Who Is a Woman Artist

I Am the One Who Paints from the Heart

I Am the One Who has the Courage to Be Myself

I Am the One Who Reveals My Truth

I Am the One Sees Life's Pain and Beauty

I Am the One Who Sees the World

I Am the One Who Honors My Roots

I Am the One Who Tells My Story

   

Soul Collage: I Am the One Who Walks Past False Comforts

I Am The One Who Walks Past False Comforts

This card pictures two monks walking past a cactus couch with watermelon slices and an

elaborate castle made of sand.  They are walking prayerfully with proper attitude and shielded

from the heat of the sun with their umbrellas.  Up above two butterflies rise.  Behind them, in

their path, a desert flower blooms.  In the deep background the vast ocean is glimpsed.

For me this card is about not being distracted on my path by my thoughts that I should have

the apparent comforts that others have who have lived a different life and made different choices

than I have.  

The big house (actually made of sand) and the couch clipped from an architecture magazine 

(which would definitely be uncomfortable) are obvious illusions.  I was stumped at first about

the watermelon but then I thought of how I keep on thinking of the sweet juicy picnic watermelon

of my childhood memories in contrast to the tasteless watermelons (probably of the GMO variety)
that I've purchased at the supermarket in the last years.  Looks beautiful from the outside but not
sweet or satisfying at all.

The blooming cactus and the butterflies were cut from a magazine picture of hand embroidered

pillows.  Certainly pillows are linked to real rest, real comfort.  These also represent the joy

I experience from creating art and craft items with my own hands.  

SoulCollage: I Am the One Who Manifests the Unexpected

I Am The One Who Manifests the Unexpected

First, as always, from here on out, I would like to give thanks to the artists and photographers who work makes

the SoulCollage process possible.  SoulCollage typically utilizes the images, created by others, from magazines, to

engage in sacred collage for self exploration and healing.  SoulCollage cards are not created for sale or 

monetary profit but as part of a personal, self healing process.

This card started with the young man posing as an amateur magician.  I think I had thought of making a card

for my son and my Community suit but this turned into a Committee card instead.  In Jungian terms this is

my immature inner masculine.  I am not surprised that my inner masculine is so young because it represents

the part of myself that masters the outer world and career, and I feel so young in this area.  

I have managed to complete multiple college degrees and have had a personally successful private practice

as an Art Therapist, a satisfying and ongoing career as a teacher, and my ever present avocation as an artist.

My life goals, in terms of financial success, have been elusive for me, however.  I guess I'm thinking about this today

because it is Saturday, and yesterday was payday, and I am already down to barely enough money to keep

gas in my car this week.  Did buy groceries and my son does have a nice new fall jacket.  

Why is it so hard for me to create a fat bank account?  I've gone to astrologers and psychics about this issue.

I know, some of you are saying--hey, better a a financial planner.  Sigh.  The intuitive counselors tell me both

that I was very wealthy and powerful in a former life and lost the taste for riches, and power over others, and 

also that I've spent many lifetimes as a monk, renouncing worldly goods.  Also, can't underestimate the power of

childhood fairy tales where the prince was supposed to take care of all those worldly concerns, lol.

Nonetheless,  I am still working on manifesting abundance.  From infinite resources, represented by the

ocean in the background, my young self is able to produce a chipmunk.  In the original picture there was a 

bunny at the young magician's feet, which I cut out and promptly lost.  During a search of my clippings I 

found instead this engaging chipmunk.  Unexpected but seemed quite fitting.  I had also cut out a glass

fishing net float that someone had pictured washed up on a Northeastern beach.  I had also misplaced that

clip as well but found the flower instead.  After gluing the flower down I found the float image.  I think this is

so fitting.  My paintings of flowers and flower-like mandalas truly keep me emotionally afloat.

And the chipmunk.  I looked up the associations and found that the humble chipmunk has interesting 

energy in terms of symbolism.  The chipmunk represents "wishes granted".  And also relates to the "gifts

of artistic endeavours and creativity".  It also relates to the unexpected, close observation, and playfulness. 

Further it creates secret and hidden ways of getting to its goals.  I love this playful and unexpected magic.

I relate to focusing on the part of myself that manifests through playfulness and delights in the 

unexpected.  I may not be rich but I delight in the creative surprises that appear in my life.

I Am the One Who Creates the Unexpected

I Am the One Who is Childlike in My Creating

I Am the One who Stays Afloat through Reflecting the Beauty of Nature

I Am the One Who Remains Playful

I Am the One Who Observes Closely

I Am the One Who Finds and Follows Secret Pathways

I Am the One Who is Blessed